tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77288984307733018422024-02-19T12:12:59.695-05:00CDWordsHere I share whatever I feel like. From posts relating to Composer Détraqué, to short reviews of anything, to political rants, to vacation stories/pictures. It's just a blog for whatever, whenever.Benjamin Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11329698288797436397noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7728898430773301842.post-1124381715958511492016-06-24T21:21:00.001-04:002016-06-24T21:22:14.545-04:00BWTSE: Behind-the-Scenes<em>*Note: This is a re-upload from the old blog*</em><br />
<br />
So today, I'm going to talk about some of the story behind “Beautiful World<br />
(Through Sorrowful Eyes)”, or BWTSE for short. Just try to bear with me, as I'll<br />
do my best.<a name='more'></a> I'll also get the disclaimer out of the way: I should mention that<br />
the first topic behind this song isn't the most cheerful, as it deals with death.<br />
Anyone who wants to keep reading, but wanting to skip the first part, just<br />
scroll down and look for:<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<strong>***SAFE***</strong></div>
<br />
<iframe frameborder="no" height="450" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/210826049&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true" width="450"></iframe>
<br />
<br />
Now then... This piece is inspired by suicide and suicidal thinking (want to<br />
mention right now before going on that I'm NOT the suicidal one). So, let's<br />
dive into it...<br />
Back when I was in high school (not too long ago), there was another teen just<br />
a year younger than I was. For this story, I'll call him Andy (I'm not going to<br />
disclose his real name). Andy was one of the first people to greet me when I<br />
first moved to Lake Geneva, WI. This was senior year, so it's not like I was a<br />
little kid moving to a new district. Actually, I was still attending the same<br />
school district, just living in a different town. But still, he was very friendly, and<br />
on most days, my bus buddy. I came to know and like him, and always<br />
welcomed his presence. And it showed on his side, as every-time we'd meet,<br />
he would always have a genuine smile. From what he told me, he was having a<br />
great life. He seemed to be enjoying what was going on. But apparently, he<br />
wasn't. Now that I look back on it though, I can think of a few instances where<br />
he might have been lying, or other issues I should have pressed on to get<br />
more details.<br />
It was on an early Spring night that he carried out an act I never considered a<br />
real possiblity. On that fateful night, he chose an abandoned small silo on his<br />
property, and climbed to the inside top. There, he weaved his own noose, and<br />
hung himself. His hungover father found him swaying early the next morning.<br />
Before this, I had no experience in knowing any human who took their own life.<br />
I do remember a time when I was in middle school (8th grade), a classmate<br />
was run down by a drunk driver. But I was only acquainted with this boy, and<br />
hardly knew anything beyond his name and address. I still felt the loss, and his<br />
death wasn't a factor the boy could control. Or the Mrs. Miller story. But again,<br />
that was a natural death, not a suicide. This was probably the only time that I<br />
can remember where I didn't feel my usual self.<br />
To be perfectly honest, I didn't know how to feel. The initial reaction to<br />
receiving the news was almost non-existent. I didn't feel happy, or sad.<br />
Grieved nor mad. If anything, the best I can describe it would be as a feeling of<br />
emptiness. But soon enough, I started to feel a bit of anger. Not toward him,<br />
but myself. At the time, I couldn't help but blame myself for his untimely<br />
demise. I'm not saying in terms of being responsible for the cause, but rather,<br />
responsible for not preventing it. I felt like I could have stopped it. Things like:<br />
'Well, what if I was a better friend...' | 'I should've been more involved and<br />
active in his life' | 'What if I said this to him...' started to pop into my head. I felt<br />
terrible.<br />
And to make things worse (for me), was that in his suicide letter, he had listed<br />
me as someone who made him feel like a human-being. The reason for his<br />
death decision was mostly due to major bullying at school, and drunken,<br />
emotionally-abusing parents at home. But he never confided these things to<br />
me. High school is big, and like said earlier, he was a year younger than<br />
myself. I had no way of knowing that he was being bullied by his peers when<br />
I'm in a different setting. But he found sanctuary talking to me, with the only<br />
other being one of his cousins. That's when thoughts like 'What if I seemed<br />
more trustworthy...' started to come in. Granted, these thoughts didn't stay<br />
too long. They only went for about a week. But boy, was that a long week.<br />
Every time I actually think back on this subject, I can sense a small amount of<br />
failure. The ghosts still seem to lurk around, despite having already come to<br />
terms with it. It's not like this memory comes up much though. Actually, it<br />
never really came up until I decided to write this song. That's not to say I<br />
forgot about him. His cousin and I decided to wear small ribbons for the rest of<br />
that year to honour him. They were green, as that was his favourite colour.<br />
But I wore it beyond that time span. I don't wear it anymore as it's completely<br />
worn out (it was a cheap ribbon), but I wore it everyday [even if it wasn't<br />
visible]). I do still keep it in my closet.<br />
<br />
<strong>***SAFE***</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
Now for another suicide-related story. But this one has a much better<br />
outcome (hence the SAFE label). This is a rather recent event. It takes place<br />
down where I currently reside, which is in Florida. I was actually visiting St.<br />
Augustine, which is the oldest settlement in the United States (est. 1565).<br />
Note that this fact has nothing to do with the story. But now you know.<br />
Anyways, I was walking on a bridge that connects St. Augustine to Anastasia<br />
Island at night, when I noticed something odd. The was a shadow behind one<br />
of the small towers that are lined up along the bridge. But he was standing on the railing, just gazing out in the distance.<br />
I assumed the worst.<br />
Whether or not it was the smartest thing to do, I approached him. I casually<br />
walked up to the spot that he was at, and tried the standard small talk. He<br />
was pretty unresponsive for the first few minutes, but eventually stepped<br />
down from the railing. I made a light-hearted joke saying he should join the<br />
circus with the balance that he had on the railing (which was actually quite<br />
impressive considering it was a metal railing, with the ocean wind blowing). He<br />
seemed to relax a bit more, and we were able to actually start talking. I'll skip<br />
over the little stuff talked about, but I'll give his story. He was feeling suicidal<br />
due to recent life events. He was going through a divorce with his wife, and<br />
learned that he wouldn't have custody of his only son (who was roughly 4<br />
years old). On top of that, he had been a recent victim of massive lay-offs at<br />
his job. He wasn't sure how much more he could take, and had seriously<br />
considered to just end the misery. One thing led to another, and I eventually<br />
told him to try his best. If anything, for his son. Even though he wouldn't be<br />
around 24/7 for his son, he could still make a difference. I ended up telling him<br />
about my parents.<br />
My mother and (bio)father had split up when I was two. But that didn't stop<br />
Wayne (his name) from seeing me. For years, I always looked forward to<br />
Sundays. I would always be waiting by the window, eagerly waiting to hear the<br />
engine rumble of his Corvette to pull up into the parking lot (we lived in an<br />
apartment at the time). And I always enjoyed our time together. We would<br />
always start out by going to our favourite diner, where I would always get the<br />
same thing (biscuits and gravy with a decent heaping of bacon). Which was<br />
then downed by Barq's Root-beer. Then I would just spend the day at his<br />
house. I had a humongous collection of Hot-Wheels, and he would always be<br />
willing to play along on my car map. I realize I'm digressing though, so I'll stop<br />
it at that. But there was many other good memories.<br />
Anyways, all was fine until I was in 5th grade (it could've been 4th, but I told<br />
the ex-suicide fellow 5th). It was just starting to get dark outside when a knock<br />
came on the door. I had answered it as I was the closest, and was surprised to<br />
see two adult figures I've never seen before. They were both wearing sharplooking suits, and politely asked me to fetch my mom and step-dad. Once they saw the two strangers at the door, they quickly sent me and my two little brothers upstairs. <br />
<br />
A few minutes later, I was called in, and was asked<br />
questions that seemed rather silly at the time. 'Are you happy here?' | 'Are<br />
your parents ever mean to you?' |'Does your father ever get drunk?' It wasthose kind of questions.<br />
After they finished asking me questions, they sent me away, and called for<br />
one of my little brothers. I was upstairs, but I assumed it was the same<br />
questions. He soon returned, and my baby brother was sent down, and the<br />
same procedure followed. After our interrogation session, we were left upstairs<br />
for a little over an hour. Eventually, our parents called us down, and the<br />
strangers were gone. It wasn't until high school (freshman year) that I learned<br />
the truth behind it. That incident had meant nothing to me as a kid at the<br />
time, hence why I never thought about it. I found it more strange that I never<br />
saw Wayne after those two strangers showed up. But, my parents had given<br />
me an excuse for his absence, and even created a forged letter addressed to<br />
me explaining his whereabouts. I was disappointed, but quickly moved on and<br />
eventually forgot. But my father (not Wayne) told me that the two strangers<br />
that night were from the Child Protection Agency.<br />
Apparently Wayne had called them as a last resort, reporting abuse, as a way<br />
to gain custody of me again. He also explained that the letter I had received<br />
was fake. They had tried contacting Wayne the night after that happened, but<br />
Wayne had also disappeared from the face of the earth. Back to the St.<br />
Augustine guy, I had told him this story, and how it hurt to learn such a thing<br />
about someone you grew so close too. And asked him to not do such a thing<br />
to his son. Even if he were to visit once in a while, it'll still make a difference<br />
down the road. He was near tears at this point, and after a brief moment of<br />
silence, he put his hand on my shoulder and thanked me (with his voice<br />
wavering a bit). I ended up giving him 5 dollars to grab something to eat when<br />
we departed, which he hesitantly accepted. And as far as I know, he's still<br />
alive.<br />
I guess in a way, I felt like I redeemed myself. After feeling like a failure with<br />
Andy, this incident turned that around<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong> ***EXPLAINATION***</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
Alright, so now that some backstory has been taken care of, let's quickly delve<br />
into how this was incorporated into the song.<br />
Let's talk about instrumentation. More specifically, the Celeste. I wanted to<br />
find an instrument that I could use to represent death. But to not portray it in<br />
a bad light. I ended up choosing the celesta, which I used to help depict death<br />
as a heavenly ascent. The melody it plays was a hard one to create. I wanted<br />
to create something that was saddening (so as to feel a loss), but not entirely<br />
depressing. The second melody proved to be even more challenging, as I still<br />
wanted a feeling of sadness, but wanted a hint of beauty and maybe hope<br />
mixed in.<br />
I tried to modulate the second theme briefly to something happier, to<br />
represent my encounter with the Floridian man. I was tempted to just create a<br />
new theme, but decided against it. The story still dealt with suicidal thoughts,<br />
so the theme had to stay the same. But I'll be honest, I completely suck at<br />
modulation. I don't know how well that little bit works (both aurally and<br />
theoretically), but it's all I got. I'm still trying to evolve my writing.<br />
While also on the idea of themes, I tried to make both of them feel personal.<br />
Something that's more or less relateable. I wanted to compose something<br />
where all a person has to do is put on the music, close their eyes, and let their<br />
mind wonder and shift along with the celesta. Even without the prior<br />
knowledge to the backstory. Whether or not I actually succeeded in<br />
accomplishing that, I don't know. And it's not exactly the easiest thing to<br />
accurately gauge how it actually affected someoneBenjamin Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11329698288797436397noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7728898430773301842.post-48118619004318686452016-06-17T23:00:00.000-04:002016-06-24T21:23:13.331-04:00Out of the Ashes<em>*Note: This is a re-upload from the old blog*</em><br />
<br />
So, for something to rise out of the ashes, that usually implies that something was killed (or thought to have been). And that's what this post is about. From HortonHub to Composer Détraqué. I'll quickly explain the decision to change, and how Composer Détraqué (CDMusik) was born.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
So, first things first, I finally killed off HortonHub. I said I was going to do this a while ago, or at the very least, mentioned it in one of my Musescore song descriptions. The reason why I didn't just end HortonHub then was because I didn't know how to transition it. Or what I should even call my brand afterwards. So, I stuck with HortonHub whilst trying to find a new brand name I could really get into. But why exactly did I want to kill off HortonHub Music?<br />
<br />
Well, I first wanted to kill it off since I had gotten a new (full-time) job. And with me feeling that HortonHub was at the top of its game at the time (right after the release of "The Plague Doctor), I was afraid that this new job would kill the quality that I would put out. And I didn't want to ruin what I built with HortonHub on Musescore (<a href="http://imgur.com/TENEZy4" target="_blank">IMGUR</a>).This was the main reason, but there is a secondary reason as well. That reason was that I had started going by my real name. During the creation of HortonHub, I created the name after my designated online name, which was Benjamin Horton. That name was inspired by Dr. Seuss's Horton the elephant. Instead of "<em>Horton Hears a Who</em>", I created the name thinking "<em>A Who hears Horton's Music</em>". And after that name, HortonHub was born!<br />
<br />
But in Spring 2015, I switched to the name of Benjamin Basford (family name). Now, because this name (Basford) had nothing to do with Horton(Hub), I didn't want any confusion as to why my brand was called HortonHub. With these reasons in mind, I set about creating Composer Détraqué.<br />
<br />
Now that the history lesson is over, let's talk about CDMusik!<br />
So, first things first, the name!<br />
<br />
I wanted whatever initials I was going to use fit somewhere in the musical alphabet (A-G). I knew from the beginning that the first word was going to be along the lines of "Composer" or "Composing". The harder part was finding the accompanying word. The first one I settled on was "Composing Admiral". I really quite enjoyed the name, and went out and created some rough sketches of logos to go along with it.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSXwzIR0vMNgNH7i0m1pjYdFEVpwrxdYEYMX5PjEY1XB62JLmwRqNEHk-ckD_VDrlTiSh7Wqzph93vyAA2wVr-1tFGiYehpvZzp8vntEy6JqlQodPlmJFfb3bx0qs9mnbSzRyjZ0g_5JY/s1600/Composing+Admiral+Text+Top+Scaled.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSXwzIR0vMNgNH7i0m1pjYdFEVpwrxdYEYMX5PjEY1XB62JLmwRqNEHk-ckD_VDrlTiSh7Wqzph93vyAA2wVr-1tFGiYehpvZzp8vntEy6JqlQodPlmJFfb3bx0qs9mnbSzRyjZ0g_5JY/s320/Composing+Admiral+Text+Top+Scaled.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
This was the first sketch. I decided to go and try to use a real Admiralty symbol (using the US Navy for reference). I got the stars, and then added a few extra stripes to make the staff bar. I then places some stars in the spots that the initials would be in, which would be the "C" and "A". Topped with a custom text, which put the letters behind a staff. Here's that by itself:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3MrasjbPRxE3Qv1fS3pbuP2B9DY_jJn7WfHkFhiIKdSLcGQnB5jnk6wcgfx16_O7hf13dEtTqeIhyphenhypheneTghzEE-eWIveJ9fH84iDp0XWxORI8L7y9mwrqsycLdLe-hiReQBpCbhDJlYtwg/s1600/Logo+Words+300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3MrasjbPRxE3Qv1fS3pbuP2B9DY_jJn7WfHkFhiIKdSLcGQnB5jnk6wcgfx16_O7hf13dEtTqeIhyphenhypheneTghzEE-eWIveJ9fH84iDp0XWxORI8L7y9mwrqsycLdLe-hiReQBpCbhDJlYtwg/s1600/Logo+Words+300.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Of course, that first top image would be a little complicated to work as a logo, but more along the lines of some kind of cover-art or background. So, I took the key elements, and reduced it to something smaller and simpler. This was the result:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgyd46Jl9M1LFHXLbsXnECi98txwfSObTht4MbDLb-26X_Tqf02YAbITmkqo2EqxK4v77IOCl6FtXmJLO6TxjS_EN-zcwls_drgPoqEhSYD7K2s3o-JmL-ocYRCf6S4OCVlrG_6kVabA4/s1600/Logo+300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgyd46Jl9M1LFHXLbsXnECi98txwfSObTht4MbDLb-26X_Tqf02YAbITmkqo2EqxK4v77IOCl6FtXmJLO6TxjS_EN-zcwls_drgPoqEhSYD7K2s3o-JmL-ocYRCf6S4OCVlrG_6kVabA4/s1600/Logo+300.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
After some thinking though, I decided to stray away from "Composer Admiral". The biggest reason being that I really was aiming for a simple, but effective logo to associate with the new brand. And I wanted something more music-like. I then decided to make sure that the initials would C and D (CD). It represented a musical item, while meeting the prerequisite for being in the musical alphabet. After going through different words that started with a "D", the one that really stood out to me as détraqué. It means "insane; deranged". After deciding that that seemed perfectly acceptable (Insane Composer), I moved onto the logo. I wanted a musical symbol somewhere in there, but for it to be as basic but memorable as possible, but whilst also having the initials in there somehow.<br />
And with that criteria, I finally came across one that I decided was unbelievably perfect, and didn't pursue/edit any further. And here's that logo:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNWRKd9wZvWaxKs143JEyRUBCiAlmo6Fx1-Ruyd3p2gGVXCbdHpZ4lBjxyWCVdKvE3yh7GSbkEvjdtD9zymL2t0I5ZSEch-tTF8cj142CFkoCX1c-KLONh2ZTfnSJTrZAjCg34wnisR7o/s1600/scaled.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNWRKd9wZvWaxKs143JEyRUBCiAlmo6Fx1-Ruyd3p2gGVXCbdHpZ4lBjxyWCVdKvE3yh7GSbkEvjdtD9zymL2t0I5ZSEch-tTF8cj142CFkoCX1c-KLONh2ZTfnSJTrZAjCg34wnisR7o/s320/scaled.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
On to the Cover-art design!<br />
<br />
...I'm just kidding, that's another post for another day.<br />
Any thoughts on the CD brand? Let me know in the comments!Benjamin Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11329698288797436397noreply@blogger.com0